VeraIcon

Veronica Doig
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I realized that it had been almost 3 years since I updated my DeviantArt Journal, and thought I might aquaint people with my 19-going-on-20 year old self, rather than my 16-going-on-17 year old self.  The latter girl was, of course, worthwhile knowing ;), but her life isn't that interesting now that it is static, embedded in the past.

I've written a lot of poems since then, as you can tell.  Maturity comes slowly, unfortunately, and many of them still display the restlnessness and angst of a teenager.  Lately I have been getting embarassed by that, mainly because I feel I'm changing, and want to communicate truths more serious than the emotional truths of a teenager.  Of course, the world of teenage experience is a very real one, and worthy of attention and explication.  But it is slowly ceasing to be MY world.  It's not just some age-dependent thing ("I'm turning 20 soon so I'd better start changing").  The deeper changes in me are always organic, it feels almost like God calls them forth from my soul.  A beautiful gift, a fresh new worldview, that He fashions for me every once and a while :).  

This year so far has been a difficult one, but I think because I have been keeping a personal journal, I didn't feel the need so much to use poetry.  Another reason is that I didn't think my experiences were worthy of being indulged and inscribed in a poem.  I don't like writing about negative things so much anymore, because I am ashamed of lacking hope and joy.  I want to be joy and sunshine to people...how can I be that when I am grieving inside?  I'm not sure yet.  There must be some way of merging authenticity with joy: I want to be honest in my experience of hopelessness, without it consuming me, and thereby those around me.  But I haven't discovered how yet.
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Life.

2 min read
Hello DJ...how are you faring?

Oh, I'm alright...very behind in terms of uni work, and study (exams coming up!).  But I did alright in my mid-semester exam, which is encouraging.  But the sheer volume of work to learn seems impossibly large.  I mean, there is a limit to how much one can learn in study week...*sigh*...oh well...need to keep positive.  I haven't actually sat down and done serious study for what seems like ages.  I think I'm getting lazy.  What do you think, DJ?

I've been spending more time chatting than I should be, particularly at this critical time of semester.  Still trying to strike the perfect balance between uni and other things, but so far I think I've been dominated by my feelings (which usually tend towards laziness), not a desire for balance.  Oh well, maybe time will remedy that.  I hope exam-induced adrenalin starts pumping soon: I'm going to need it.

I haven't done much DAing of late, mainly because I waste time doing more useless things.  I can't wait till holidays!  Then I can do a lot more...and maybe write some more poems...I've had so many titles come to mind...but haven't had the time to write them...

I don't know what you can see from where you are, little DJ, but I've been completely obsessed about sunsets/sunrises if you care to take a look at the pics I've favourited.  And if you look a little further (to my desktop) you'll see them there too.  I'll never grow too old for them...never...

Apart from that, I've had a confusing time of late, had several things to think through, etc. (as people do my age...were you ever 16, DJ?).  It is better acknowledging that, I think, than lying and saying I'm perfect, all grown up without a problem in the world.

My birthday is in a little over a month's time!  If only you were real, DJ...if you were, you'd give me lots of birthday presents and hugs, wouldn't you?  Hehe...I still remember my cards from last year...one in particular: "Sweet 16 and never been kissed...by a horse!"  :disbelief: That's something that hasn't changed over the last year!  And I'm quite glad of it!  I've been kissed by a seal before, though...smelt like fish...

God bless all those people who read this (& momentarily personify DJ!)

Veronica
     
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Today

2 min read
Dear Journal,

I never write in journals, so...deviantart journal...consider yourself special :)  Unfortunately, you are an impersonal program on a computer, not a friend, so how can I trust/confide in you? Hmmm...

For that reason, dear deviatart journal (can I call you DJ for short?), I will not tell you anything of a very important nature.  Just know that you are the electronic-thing I come to when I feel I need to put down my thoughts on an...electronic-thing.  

So, DJ, I'm happy to have met you.  You honestly don't want to know my 'deepest thoughts' like your fellow DJ's are privileged to.  You most likely would get a virus.  Whenever I express my thoughts, they wreack havoc.  They either hurt people, or people just don't respond.  Usually the latter.  So, DJ, because I care about your electronic self, I don't want to tell you much.  All you need to know...is that today was going good.  Was, past tense, or else I wouldn't be writing on you, dear DJ.  I only write something when I'm unusually happy or sad.  Usually the latter.  Therefore, DJ, you will be exposed to both emotional extremes in your lifetime.  I'm sorry that I can't be normal around you...I'm just not that kind of person.  I fluctuate...oscillate around a set point...it is rare that I would write anything to you, DJ, during one of those rare normal moments.  Sorry.

So, umm, yes, my dear Deviantart Journal (do you prefer being called that? because I, personally, like DJ)...keep me in your computer prayers...
Affectionately yours,
Veronica   
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